A Nepali Wedding

I've spent the last few days in a state of confusion, which by itself is nothing new. However, this confusion is not just the normal one, it comes from a complete lack of understanding - not only of language but of tradition.

Like weddings in the UK, nepali weddings can vary from a quick "I do" in a registry office equivalent, especially when the union is not blessed by the parents of one side or another, to a lavish event following dogmatic cultural practises. These latter tend to cost both families a large part of their savings, if they have any. The wedding I attended was a bit unusual for Nepal, as it was not an arranged marriage but a "love marriage". This is becoming more prevalent in Nepal as traditional values are being eroded and male-female contact increases. The couple in question both came from relatively wealthy families, and so was a rather large event.

The first part of the wedding occurred on the night before the wedding ceremony. At the bride's house, there was a big party attended by friends and family of the bride. I was part of the groom's entourage, who came along to crash the event, bringing the groom and trays with gifts on them to be blessed by the bride's father. The gifts on the trays were mainly food items such as bananas, cinnamon sticks, cardamom pods and yoghurt. There were also some decorative items covered in sequins and red vermillion powder - a sign of celebration. The groom was led in and a small puja - worship - was performed. Then the trays were brought in by the groom's family and friends, including me. Each tray was received by the bride's father and the carrier was given a tika - red marking on forehead - and an envelope with some cash in. Then the trays were collectively blessed by the priest on hand, and returned to the groom's house.

Me receiving a tika from the Bride's father

For me, Nepal is the epitome of the Cornish word drekley. We were told to be at the groom's house by 7 am the next morning so we could head off and be at the bride's house early for the wedding ceremony. At 9.30, I walked over to find that not everyone had arrived yet. The band had arrived and were in fine voice. At the end of the day I concluded that the band must all be deaf, they spent all day playing so loudly that I couldn't hear anyone unless they shouted and I still have a small amount of ringing in my ears 3 days later. Outside the house, a car had pulled up covered in flowers stuck on with tape - this would be the groom's car. A small puja ceremony took place in the house before the groom emerged in a black suit - another sign of the slow westernisation of this deeply traditional country - with the traditional nepali hat and a small tika on his forehead. During the day this tika would grow through all the blessings given to him from the size of a penny to a tennis ball. Then a procession of family members took place accompanying the groom from his house to the car, which he blessed by circumnavigating three times and throwing vermillion covered rice over.

The band struck up and we were off. In the front, the band led the way followed by the grooms car, those who felt up to walking the 30 minutes in the sun, and those who didn't took the micro van. As our convoy approached the ring road, Nepal's answer to the M25 - not as many jams but 10 times as deadly - I wondered what would happen as surely we couldn't carry on along the ring road. But obviously I was wrong, we could. As we ambled along the tarmac surface, buses overflowing with people and heavily laden trucks were screeching to a halt behind us and patiently sounding their horns out of time with the band. When it came time to cross to the other side of the ring road, and off down a side road I relaxed a bit. As we made our sedate way down single track roads we caused traffic chaos with patient and impatient nepalis trying to get past. Our procession approached the house and everyone able to walk left the micro and followed the groom's car. We looked like a presidential cavalcade, with security guards surrounding the vehicle wearing dark suits and sunglasses. All that was needed was the ear piece microphones and it would have been an exact replica.

Our cavalcade

As far as I could see the wedding ceremony was divided into 3 sections. The first consisted of the groom alone being blessed and welcomed by the bride's father. Then the bride emerged from her house and both bride and groom's feet were washed. This is very symbolic as the feet are considered the most dirty and ritually unclean part of your body, if you kick someone accidently you must touch your forehead - the most sacred part of your body - and touch where you kicked, and to show great respect or thanks to someone you bend to touch your forehead to their feet. The bride's family even drink some of the water that the feet have been washed in. Then finally, the ceremony moves to a small altar. The altar was a small square with a fire in the centre, and offerings around the rim, religious star shapes drawn in yellow and red powder around the outside of the fire. Suspended above the on four bamboo canes marking the outer edge of the altar were leaves that were called upon to be used in parts of the puja.

On many occasions I asked what was going on during the ceremony, and generally I got the same answer - puja. I was explained later that most people didn't really know why each part of the puja took place, you just do as you are told by the priest. There was an interesting tradition though that was explained, though. A piece of cloth was held by both families - bride and groom - above the heads of the couple. Then, what can only be described as a tug of war took place for the piece of cloth, which we won as the groom's family. This was symbolic as it meant the power in the relationship between the 2 families was now with the groom's family. How much stead this holds in the modern Nepal, I don't know, but it was good fun nonetheless. Towards the end of the ceremony the traditional vermillion streak was added to the bride's head. This is the mark of being married, any woman with this mark in their parting is married - the same as a ring in western culture.

Putting the vermillion streak in the hair

The atmosphere at the wedding is completely different to any wedding that I've been to before. In the background you can hear the priest and who ever else is required at that point in the ceremony mumbling, chanting and singing. Sometimes the band will strike up and play for 5 minutes, or an hour, depending on their leader's feelings at the time. There is a background chatter as friends greet each other, compare cameras and watches, swap news stories about mutual acquaintances, and gossip about whose wedding is going to be next. Over the top of it all, Hindi music is screeching out over hi-fi speakers with western excerpts that to me seem completely inappropriate, but are obviously lost on most of the attendees. People are constantly walking around, having a glance at the puja that is taking place at the time, single girls and boys looking around for their potential life partners. One time my legs felt a bit sore, so I said i was going to have a short walk and was joined by a couple of other people. We returned over an hour later, and apart from growth of the bride and groom's tikas, it seemed very little had changed.

After a few photos with the brides family, and some more fun and games, we were ready to go. It was a tearful departure for the bride's family, this signified her leaving the family. She would then only be allowed to return to see them with the permission of her new mother in law. Our convoy headed off down the road, the band once again beating the neighbourhood's ear drums with their exuberant playing. Little children would run along side the car to see the bride and groom, and even cars we passed would take a fleeting glance in. Once we had returned to the groom's house, a small ceremony took place to welcome the bride into the family.

The following day the party took place. These are traditionally put on by the groom's family, and I'm sure used to take place in the groom's home. However, there are now many venues that have set themselves up as self labelled "Party Palaces". These venues host many different events, but mostly specialise in weddings and receptions. They are rather cheesy, with fake waterfalls, a stage with beckham-esque thrones for the bride and groom to sit on, loud hindi and nepali music abusing our ear-drums, and many plastic seats available for your multitude of guests. However, they do the job well, preventing a home being overloaded with people and provide a good space for dancing, eating and meeting.

I'm sure I'll have several more weddings to attend over the next year, so you never know, I might start to understand it all!

SAM

At the end of the day